Growing up I experienced trauma that never seemed to end. It affected by my mind, my heart, and my soul. I always battled feelings of unworthiness because I had been abandoned by my own father. This greatly affected my romantic relationships later in life. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would date people who did not treat me well. My sense of self-worth was so skewed I was willing to hang on, even when these relationships would re-enforce my sense of unworthiness. I was afraid to be abandoned.
I am a mother of three children whom I love dearly. When I was in my 40’s I started to feel a loss of connection with them. Though, I knew they loved me. I started to numb the pain I was feeling with substances. My addiction grew from there.
After some time, I knew I needed help and began my journey of recovery. I fought so hard and would be successful for long periods of time. Then hardship would come, and I would fall back into addiction. It became an unhealthy cycle that I wanted to be free from.
I decided to try something different to break this pattern for good. I reached out to the Calgary Dream Centre and spoke to the intake staff of the Women’s Recovery Program. They were so welcoming towards me, I ended up joining the program.
When I arrived, I dug deep and went through a huge discovery process of myself. I was able to look at what was going on in my soul. This included the false belief’s that had consumed my life. I found the strength to reason with those things. It has taken months to challenge and change those false beliefs. Now that I do not believe those lies, I have found peace and contentment. I look back at where I was and realize it is not who I am.
Though, I still have the same family, the same experiences and a past of addiction. I am a completely new person. Even though I have some of the thoughts and feelings I had before, they do not have control of my life anymore. I am not worried about what God puts in my path anymore. The tragic things that occurred do not define me. I can shed those. I have found faith in God and been born into a new life with a new heart.
Hope made its way into my heart by being in a place like the Calgary Dream Centre. Here, I found peace and was taught to love others. I learned hope is not about achieving the picture I paint in expectation of how the world should be. Rather, hope comes alive as I paint the colours of love on the canvases of hearts around me. When you love others, you help them find their hope. You help them shed false beliefs and become who they were meant to be.
The Calgary Dream Centre loved me and helped me no longer believe the lie that I was unworthy. I know I have value. I have self-respect. I have hope and love that I am willing to share to the world around me.